Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day.
William Shakespeare
As I entered the OR, I couldn’t believe how packed it was. Your normal OR labor and delivery staff including anesthesiologist, a pediatric cardiology team, and NICU staff since she was going to be a premie. You could truly see how much care was going into me and the baby.
Once I was in the OR, I was instructed to get up and move over onto the other table. I cried. I said I couldn’t. The catheter I had in me was so uncomfortable due to my infection and I was so dizzy and naseous due to the magnesium drip (which I had to remain on an additional 24 hours – 48 hours total, now that I was having to give birth).
The doctors and nurses told me I needed to do what they said and I needed to be quick. I just had to do it and it would all be better soon. I sat up and cried with every inch I moved onto the other table. There was a tube coming out of my vagina that was not comfortable. I didn’t understand why that didn’t matter, but I also couldn’t think straight.
Once I got on the 2nd table, they were ready to give me my epidural. I asked where my husband was and they said he was coming, but they couldn’t wait for him. This was an emergency and they needed to get this baby out. A nurse offered to hold my hand and I took it. They asked me to bend over into another nurses arms and chest. They explained that I’d feel a pop and I was not to move. Sure enough, that pop came and I screamed. It was so painful. And the two nurses and the anesthesiologist yelled at me to not move – it was imperative that I not move. So I tried my best to stay as still as I could while crying my heart out. I was scared, but that didn’t matter. I wanted my husband, but that didn’t matter.
Once the epidural was in, I was instructed very firmly to move onto a 3rd table. Where the C-section would take place. But this time, I was instructed in a hurry and panic. “Lisa I need you to move NOW…hurry hurry…before the epidural kicks in. Move move move!!” I moved as fast as I could considering I was balling my eyes out. Boy did my legs get numb and heavy fast. I made it though. One thing I was definitely grateful for was not being able to feel that catheter.
“Okay Lisa, you ready?” asked the doctor. “I don’t know! I don’t know if the epidural is really working!” (anxiety meds before the procedure, remember?) She asked me behind the big blue curtain to lift my legs. Through my wimpers I told her I was trying. She said all seemed good and ready. As I began feeling pressure, I again asked where my husband was. A nurse went to get him and he arrived 30 seconds later. By then they had already cut into me. I felt a lot of hard pulling and tugging. It felt like they were having a difficult time. Eventually I heard a little baby sound – not a full on cry, but she was here.
After that, I unfortunately don’t remember much over the next couple of days. I was in and out of consciousness. My husband tells me that I started “freaking out” and trying to move so the doctor had the anesthesiologist knock me out. I never got to see her after she was born. The cardio team did a quick work up on her before the NICU team wheeled her off into the NICU IV ward (something I learned later on was for the worse off cases).
I, while in my unconsciousness, was wheeled into the ICU because of my high risk nature. I remember opening my eyes to some doctors – cardiologists trying to talk to me about the baby’s condition. I kindly asked them if they wouldn’t mind talking to my parents and husband because I was in no condition to listening to anything – I would never remember. They obliged and again, off to sleep I went.
NOTE TO MY READERS: The next few entries will be Q&A style with my husband. I don’t remember much, he will have to fill in details.
For Grief's Sake 